Example Error Correction Feedback for Integrated Writing Task

If you join my TOEFL Writing Boot Camp course, you will get an independent and integrated writing practice test error corrected. I will show you exactly how the hugely beneficial service works, and you will never have to meet with me face to face online.

First, after someone joins my course at “The 7-Step System to Pass the TOEFL iBT,” he or she will complete a writing practice test.  For example, this student completed integrated writing practice test 24, which can be seen in the following video:

Second, after watching the video, the student completes the writing practice test, saves it online at http://stealth.michaelbuckhoff.com, and then sends me an e-mail asking me to error correct the essay.  Here is how the student responded to this writing prompt:

New York Times published an article, written by Dr. Luther: depression can be a beneficial. According to the Sociologist Luther, people are able to clarify their thoughts, analyze their problems, and enhance their creativity by going through depression. However, the lecturer disagree the sociologist’s idea by providing a few reasons.

First, the articles states that depression may be able to trigger a clear mind in person’s mind so that he is able to figure out his social situation. On the other hand, according to the lector, based on his experience of thirty years of practice, he has never encountered a patient who think being depression was worthwhile. During the time, the patients are unable to do even daily tasks due to unmotivated emotion. Thus, there is no way for a suffered person to straighten his idea.

Next, the sociologist in the passage claims that people are able to analyze his problems while being depressed. On the contrary, the professor of the lecture opposes the idea by citing various studies such as a research saying that proved that depression lower brain activity, and other article mentioning that depressed person is incapable of planning, initiating, and achieving a goal.

Lastly, no study revealed the relationship between depression and creativity, the lecturer tells. Most of the famous artist, who suffered depression, ended up in messy life. On the other hand, the reading article believe that there is a connection between creativity and depression.

Thus, the lecture opposes the claim in the passage because no patient benefits the mental illness, no depressed person can solve his problems, and we do not observe any relation between creativity and the illness.

Third, I read, evaluate, and error correct the essay showing the student exactly what she needs to do to score 5.0/5.0 or 30/30 points. Then I e-mail the student back with a You Tube video explaining what score she received on the practice test, why she received the score she did, and what changes are necessary in order to score 30/30 points:

Unlike ETS’s TOEFL score report, I show the student exactly what is bringing her score down and how to improve her writing so that she scores higher the next time she takes the TOEFL iBT exam.  In addition to rewriting the essay in the video, I will also send her an edited version of her essay:

Edited Version of Student’s Essay: 5.0/5.0 or 30/30 points

The New York Times published an article, written by Dr. Lehrer, which claims that depression can be beneficial.  According to a sociologist named Dr. Lehrer, people are able to clarify their thoughts, analyze their problems, and enhance their creativity by going through depression.  However, the lecturer disagrees with the sociologist’s idea by providing a few reasons.

First, the article states that depression may be able to clear a person’s mind so that he is able to figure out his social situation by learning how to be more or less flexible with his emotions. On the other hand, according to the lecturer, based on his experience of over thirty years of practice, he has never encountered a patient who thinks that being depressed was worthwhile.  In fact, during bouts of depression, according to the speaker, the patients are unable to do even daily tasks due to unmotivated emotions.  Thus, there are no mental benefits to being depressed.

Next, the sociologist in the passage claims that people are able to analyze their problems while being depressed inasmuch as this mental disorder leads to increased activity in the part of the brain for problem solving. On the contrary, the professor of the lecture opposes the idea by citing various studies such as a research article which suggests that depression lowers brain activity, and countless other articles mention that depressed people are incapable of planning, initiating, and achieving goals.

According to the reading passage, the author believes that there is a connection between creativity and depression; he even claims that many musicians and artists, who suffered from depression, were creatively successful in their work. Conversely, according to the speaker, just because many artists were depressed does not necessarily connect depression to creativity. In fact, according to the speaker, artists such as poets were only able to achieve success after they were effectively treated for depression. In other words, these artists, according to the speaker, were successful in spite of their depression not because of it.

Thus, the lecture opposes the claim in the passage because no patient benefits from mental illness, no depressed person can solve his problems, and there are no observed relations between creativity and the illness.

And that is exactly how I provide feedback to help my TOEFL students score higher than 24/30 on the writing section of the exam.

Happy New Year 2018!

Michael Buckhoff, mbuckhoff@aol.com

http://onlinetoeflcourse.com

 

 

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