After joining an Online TOEFL Course, Monica completed independent writing practice test 3.

No doubt, Monica did not waste any time completing speaking and writing practice tests for her Online TOEFL Course.  Here is her most recent writing practice test:

Writing Task: Some people think governments should spend as much money as possible exploring outer space (for example, traveling to the Moon and to other planets).  Other people disagree and think governments should spend this money for our basic needs on Earth.  Which of these two opinions do you agree with?  Use specific reasons and details to support your answer.

Monica’s Response:

Some people argue governments should invest more money in exploring outer space. Many of these believe it is vital to keep obtaining new knowledge because is in the nature of human beings that they have to keep learning all the time. Although some are worried about the budget the state spends in research issues like journeys to the moon, others don`t even have enough money to survive. I strongly agree that mankind should spend as much money as possible in satisfying their own needs because we cannot allow ourselves to leave people who are dying  since they don´t have anything to eat, or they don´t have insurance service or they don´t have a place where to spend the night.

First of all,  hunger is a problem. In many countries babies cannot grow because their parents are not rich enough to bring food to their homes. For example, in Africa people grow their own food, but sometimes it does not rain enough and they can loose all their crops. Consequently they don´t have the possibility to feed their whole family, they have to choose who is going to eat and who is not going to eat. Because of this, many children are not able to survive.

Second of all, people are dying as well because not everybody in the world have the chance to survive to a disease and though there are many countries that offer health services for free, not all the hospitals in these places have the equipment or the human resources needed to take care of every person that needs the service. In Mexico not every woman that has a baby survives, public hospitals are in very bad conditions.

Finally, humans should have a place where to live. I remember when I went to the Peru about five years ago, I saw people living in the streets trying to spend one more day alive!.  I cannot imagine myself finding a place to sleep every day.

In conclusion, government has to invest much more in the basic human needs. As far as I am concerned no one will die if there is no investment in exploring the outer space. In contrast many will die if the state does not worry more about humans’ needs than humans’ wants.

After completing the practice tes, her TOEFL Writing Mentor told her that her essay would score 17/30 or 2.5/5.0 on the TOEFL. Monica was shocked to find out that her writing score was so low, so she sent the following message to her TOEFL Writing Mentor:

Michael,

I juts checked my score for the Independent Writing Task Practice Test 3 and even though I noticed that I have problems with my grammar I don´t  really know why the score is too low. What I did in this essay is just to answer the question and then give reasons to support that answer. What I did not really do is to discuss the opposition to my response, instead I just focused on trying to explain humans needs in the three paragraphs of the body`s essay. I was wondering if you could tell me a bit more about the reasons of that score Desternillado de risa

Thanks

moniceka

Then Michael  in an effort to help Monica understand more about her writing problems, sent her the following video:

 

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