What are TOEFL writing unclear connections?

What are TOEFL writing unclear connections? This blog post contains and video and text. Both explain how to improve your TOEFL writing organization so that you can score higher.

What are TOEFL writing unclear connections?
What are TOEFL writing unclear connections?

What are TOEFL writing unclear connections?

What the below YouTube video which will explain what TOEFL writing unclear connections are. I even provide an actual sample essay written by one of my current Online TOEFL Course students to illustrate how writing can sometimes be unclear.

Let’s look at an example of an essay that is fairly well-organized although “connection of ideas may be occasionally obscured.”

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Governments should give more money to protect the environment. Give specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.

Environment plays a significant role not only on the humans living inside it but also to the various species which also reside in the environment. A healthy environment is necessary to support the life in any ecosystem. Therefore, governments should play a vital role in helping to protect the environment so that humans, animals, and plants species can thrive. In my view, the government should spend money to protect the environment because this additional money will decrease air pollution and also increase the chances of survival of the endangered species.

To begin with, I want to say that we are living in age of industry and technology. Regardless of the benefits they are providing, they are also responsible of making the environment polluted. The smoke from the chimneys, the chemical waste from the factories and the burning of fuels in the automobiles are damaging our environment. For example, when I was studying in the high school in California, a new chemical fertilizer company was built in the area. The smoke coming out of the chimneys of that factory caused certain problems like it increased the amount of carbon dioxide in the atmosphere. Above all, they also cleared some land containing the forest for one of its section. Hence, they removed the main source of purifying the environment. In this situation, if the company wants to spend some money they should probably spend on the protection of the environment by replanting the trees and establishing the areas where the waste should be recycled before releasing in the environment.

The company or government should also spend money to increase the chances of survival of endangered species which add tremendous beauty in the environment and ecosystem. This will not only help in their survival but also enable the researchers to continue their research on these precious species. I want to include the example of BMW automobile company, when they established there new operational factory in North Georgia. Although, they have cleared some land for this purpose, but the company’s chairmen also spend money to restore some endangered species. He built a private zoo and provided all the facilities which were required for the species like panda, cheetah and African lions to survive. This not only created a place for entertainment for the kids but also enabled the scientists to perform their researches on these animals.

In conclusion, I just want to say that if the company is going to spend some money it should spend for the protection of the environment because of its broader outcomes. This will keep the environment healthy and also make it possible to maintain its natural charm and beauty.

The sentences highlighted in red do not have a clear connection back to the thesis and the writing prompt.

What are TOEFL writing unclear connections? How would you edit this essay to make the connections of ideas more clear (and less obscure)?

The sentences highlighted in red were edited so that they more clearly connected back to the thesis and writing prompt.

Environment plays a significant role not only on the humans living inside it but also to the various species which also reside in the environment. A healthy environment is necessary to support the life in any ecosystem. Therefore, governments should play a vital role in helping to protect the environment so that humans, animals, and plants species can thrive. In my view, the government should spend money to protect the environment because this additional money will decrease air pollution and also increase the chances of survival of the endangered species.

To begin with,  governments allocating more money to protect the environment will decrease the amount of pollution in cities around the world. Indeed, we are living in age of industry and technology, and regardless of the benefits they are providing, they are also responsible of making the environment polluted. The smoke from the chimneys, the chemical waste from the factories and the burning of fuels in the automobiles are damaging our environment. For example, when I was studying in the high school in California, a new chemical fertilizer company was built in the area. The smoke coming out of the chimneys of that factory caused certain problems like it increased the amount of carbon dioxide in the atmosphere. Above all, they also cleared some land containing the forest for one of its section. Hence, they removed the main source of purifying the environment. In this situation, if the company wants to spend some money they should probably spend on the protection of the environment by replanting the trees and establishing the areas where the waste should be recycled before releasing in the environment.

The company or government should also spend money to increase the chances of survival of endangered species which add tremendous beauty in the environment and ecosystem. This will not only help in their survival but also enable the researchers to continue their research on these precious species. I want to include the example of BMW automobile company, when they established there new operational factory in North Georgia. Although, they have cleared some land for this purpose, but the company’s chairmen also spend money to restore some endangered species. He built a private zoo and provided all the facilities which were required for the species like panda, cheetah and African lions to survive. This not only created a place for entertainment for the kids but also enabled the scientists to perform their researches on these animals.

In conclusion, If the government is going to spend some money, it should spend for the protection of the environment because of its broader outcomes. Earmarking more money for the environment will lessen air pollution and will help endangered plants and animals to repopulate so that they do not become extinct.

What are TOEFL writing unclear connections? Follow these 3 tips to make your TOEFL writing connections more clear.

Three important tips will help you to organize your TOEFL writing more effectively.

Tip 1: Your thesis should restate the writing prompt.

  • Writing prompt: Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Governments should give more money to protect the environment. Give specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.
  • Thesis: In my view, the government should spend money to protect the environment because this additional money will help to decrease air pollution and also increase the chances of survival of endangered species.

Observe how the thesis repeats some of the keywords from the writing prompt.

Tip 2: Your topic sentences should refer back to the key points mentioned in your thesis.

What are TOEFL writing unclear connections?

  • Thesis: In my view, the government should spend money to protect the environment because this additional money will help to decrease pollution and also increase the chances of survival of endangered species.
  • Topic sentence 1: To begin with,  governments allocating more money to protect the environment will decrease the amount of pollution in cities around the world.
  • Topic sentence 2: The company or government should also spend money to increase the chances of survival of endangered species which add tremendous beauty in the environment and ecosystem.

Tip 3: The conclusion should restate the key points of the thesis and body paragraphs.

Thesis: In my view, the government should spend money to protect the environment because this additional money will help to decrease pollution and also increase the chances of survival of endangered species.

Conclusion: In conclusion, If the government is going to spend some money, it should spend it for the protection of the environment because of its broader outcomes. As I have discussed, earmarking more money for the environment will lessen air pollution and will help endangered plants and animals to repopulate so that they do not become extinction.

This edited conclusion connects back to the thesis because it restates the two reasons why governments should spend money to protect the environment.

Michael Buckhoffmbuckhoff@aol.com

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