In this TOEFL task 2 example, you will learn why a student scored 21/30 pts. Furthermore, you be able to watch a 33 minute video showcasing the editing changes the student should make to the writing practice test to score higher. Finally, I will conclude this lesson with some tips that you should follow so that you get your dream TOEFL writing score.
Table of Contents
TOEFL Task 2 Example Writing Prompt
The example writing prompt used in this lesson focused around the value of roommates:
What are the most important qualities of a good roommate? Use specific examples and reasons to support your points.
TOEFL Task 2 Example Student Response
I scored the TOEFL task 2 example at 21/30 pts according to ETS’s writing rubrics, which I adapted.
Unedited response:
University life plays an essential part in our lives. It is the place we can prepare for our future career to be a success in our job. Sometime many students must have to live with roommates while they in university. Also, several students don’t know how to cook and that can be hard for them. Although, there are diverse opinions about great qualities of roommates, to be friendly with our roommate, be respectful with them, be responsible for what we make, and be helpful.
First of all, being a friendly person is a good roommate to have because we can enjoy tome together. For example, when I was on the campus of California states university, San Bernadino I had an awesome roommate his name is Juan. Also, he always greeted me when I entered the room, and often we can play video games when we don’t have any assignments or exams to do. When I have some questions about English he always was helped me. Juan was a phenomenal chief. One day he cooked for us Mexican food and it was the tastiest Mexican food I had tried.
Second, being responsible is an important feature of a roommate. If we are responsible, we will not get into a problem. In addition, we should put some rules when we are living together that no one can break through it, and we must not ignore the rules. I know one of my friends was complaining about his roommate because he didn’t wash the dishes and cleaning the living room and the kitchen. Also, my friend told me his roommate always forget to throw the garbage away. If the roommate is taking charge of his\her work, he\she will be a more responsible person.
Finale, roommate has to help us when there is a problem. For example, assume that my roommate is a new visitor who does not have a guideline of his\her plans for staying in my city I will tell him\her what are the good places for enjoyment.
To sum up, friendliness and responsibility are the two significant qualities of a good roommate because he\she will make our university lives easier and more an interesting instead of causing troubles and make it boring and mean less.
TOEFL Task 2 Example: Edited Version of the Student’s Essay
I edited the TOEFL task 2 example. That way the student could see what changes he should make to his essay. If he can improve his writing according to my suggestions, then he will be able to score 5.0/5.0 or 30/30 points.
Edited Response:
University life, playing an essential part in our lives, prepares us for our future careers to be a success in our jobs. Sometimes many students face the difficulty of having to live with roommates while they attend universities. Also, these students may not know how to cook or do other independent tasks such as paying bills and cleaning living spaces, which can be hard for them. Although there are diverse opinions about the most important qualities of roommates, to be friendly, to be respectful, and to be responsible are three characteristics that will make someone compatible with others.
First of all, a crucial trait, being friendly allows roommates to enjoy each other. For example, when I was on the campus of California State University, San Bernardino, I had an awesome roommate whose name is Juan; he always greeted me when I entered the room, and often we played video games when we didn’t have any assignments or exams to do. When I had some questions about English, he always helped me. After spending several months together, I told him one day that he was one of the best friends I had ever had during my stay in the US. In fact, until today, even though I am in Saudi Arabia now, I think of Juan like a brother. I hope that other people I meet in my life will just as friendly as Juan was to me.
Second of all, being responsible is an important feature of a roommate. To maintain an orderly and harmonious atmosphere, roommates should set some rules, and, if everyone living in that apartment is responsible, then he/she will not ignore the rules, thus helping them to avoid interpersonal conflicts. To illustrate, I know one of my friends who was complaining about his irresponsible roommate because he didn’t wash the dishes. Nor did his roommate ever clean the living room. Also, my friend told me his roommate always forgot to throw the garbage away. If a roommate is taking charge of his\her work, he\she will be a more responsible person.
Finally, roommates should be helpful, especially when there is a problem. For example, assume that my roommate is a new visitor from another country who does not know how to get a California state driver’s license. I will be helpful by taking him to the Department of Motor Vehicles (DMV) so that he can take the written and driving test to qualify himself to drive legally. In addition, I will even help him prepare for the written exam, and I can even practice driving with him to give him some defensive driving tips. My roommate Juan, whom I have already talked about, helped me to prepare and pass the DMV written and driving test.
To sum up, friendliness, responsibility, helpfulness are the three significant qualities of a good roommate because he\she will make our university lives easier and more interesting instead of causing trouble, boredom, and conflict.
Video Showcasing my Edits to the Student’s Essay
In the You Tube video displayed here, you will learn what changes I made to the student’s essay and why I made them.
TOEFL Writing Tips
I scored the student’s essay at 21/30 pts. Therefore, what can the student or you do in order to score higher on the TOEFL writing section?
- Make sure that each topic sentence restates the purpose of the writing prompt.
- Keep each body paragraph focused around a singular theme. Use ONE example to illustrate that theme. Do not bring up additional ideas in a paragraph that do not relate to the paragraph’s theme or purpose.
- Do NOT make a lot of grammatical errors in each paragraph. This is the fastest way to lower your score. If you need to improve your grammar, consider taking some TOEFL private lessons so that you can have several TOEFL writing practice tests corrected by a professional.
- Do not leave a paragraph unfinished. You must show that you know how to develop each body paragraph with specific supporting detail.
May the next TOEFFL exam you take be your last!
Michael Buckhoff, mbuckhoff@aol.com