In this TOEFL Blog post, you will see a TOEFL Writing Task 1 Example that scores 28/30 pts. It is almost a perfect essay. In addition, you will also see a model essay that scores 30/30 pts. It is a perfect essay.
TOEFL Writing Task 1 Example: Watch the video to see the reading and listening passage.
TOEFL Writing Task 1 Example: This is what the student actually wrote after watching the video.
The reading passage claims that there are three ways to improve the efficiency of a company. On the contrary, the lecturer makes several points that oppose this argument.
First, the reading points out that it is imperative for the employees to participate in meetings because meetings are effective for talking about controversial subjects. This is in direct contrast with the statement of the listening, which contends that meetings should be avoided. He explains that in long meetings bosses spend time reciting introductory information. Thus, employees do not pay attention in a meeting exceeding an hour. Therefore, he suggests that the employees politely decline the meeting pointing at a pressing obligation that can be done through a quick phone call or email.
In addition, the writer says that it employees should make effort to read all of the training and supplementary material. When reading such articles, the author explains that it is instrumental for the employees to pay attention to the details of the text. However, the professor refutes this argument, claiming that employees should rather try to find the main idea rather than focusing on the intricate details since it takes up an unnecessary amount of time. He goes as far to claim that employees should refuse to read the entire material even if their bosses request them to do so.
Finally, according to the reading employees should write their report in one attempt. Since the employees are no longer in university, they no longer have the luxury to waste time in separating the steps when writing. This is challenged by the argument of the listening material that when one does not separate the steps in writing, it can be more tire time consuming. Thus, the professor recommends that the employees write divide the writing into three distinct steps: creating an outline, writing a first draft, and revising the essay. In this way, the professor ascertains that employees will be able to complete their writing in a timely and accurate manner.
Watch my comments that I make to justify the score that I awarded.
If this essay is not perfect, what does a perfect response look like?
For businesses to be successful, the reading passage recommends that all employees participate in all meetings, read all the materials, and bypass the steps of writing process when writing reports, but the lecture questions the efficiency of these suggestions.
First, the professor claims that the number of employee meetings should be limited and short. According to him, meetings longer than 60 minutes might be unproductive since workers usually stop paying attention—especially if leaders spend too much time covering introductory topics. He recommends that, instead of calling a meeting, workers should try to deal with issues using emails or making phone calls. In addition, they should either decline going to the meeting or inform participants that they will leave the meeting after 60 minutes. However, the author in the reading passage argues that companies need to schedule as many meetings as possible since they are an excellent way of dealing with problems and staying current with modern work-related technology.
Second, workers do not have to read reports entirely, according to the speaker in the lecture, because it might be a misuse of time. According to him, only small portions of each report are probably important. He thinks that focusing on main ideas is a more efficient way of reading a report. In contrast, the reading states that reading materials given to employees will help them perform better at work and that it is recommended that they read them completely instead of primarily looking for main ideas, as the professor suggests in the lecture.
Lastly, to help employees become more efficient writers, the professor suggests that they follow the steps of the writing process. When it comes to writing reports, the professor explains that workers should not initially try to write in “perfect and complete sentences” since it will take too long to complete the reports. Instead, for the sake of saving time, he proposes to make an outline, write a quick draft, and finally revise and correct the mistakes. However, the reading states that reports should be written all at once since separating the steps in the writing process wastes time.
Ultimately, the lecture casts doubts on the reading passage by stating that having frequent and long meetings, reading all reports in detail, and writing reports all at once will in fact make businesses less efficient and consequently less successful.
“Michael, why did you discuss the listening passage first and then the reading passage?”
I have no reason for doing it that way. As long as you are consistent, you can
- Discuss the reading passage and then the listening passage.
- Explain the listening passage first and then the reading passage.